


Tony and his GLORIOUS ass that defeated Thanos

by covalentbonds



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: And the odes it deserves, Can you understand, I love Tony's ass, M/M, Rhodey is tired, So does everyone in the mcu, This is crack, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony Starks ass
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-16
Updated: 2018-03-16
Packaged: 2019-04-01 05:12:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13991193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/covalentbonds/pseuds/covalentbonds
Summary: Tony covered the small distance with few steps and his undersuit rippled with his movements.“Stop that. Stop doing that with your face. Stop.”He said holding Steve's face between his hands. And squishing his cheeks. Steve looked like he was going to cry.Peter Quill, Star Lord, the person-who-even-annoyed-Tony-Stark, forever legend, sidled close to Rhodey.“Wow.” He said. Rhodey 'uh-uh’ed.“Are they always like that?”“Usually.”“If they're on a break, do you think it's okay if I hit on Tony, because that ass, goddamn, few things on Earth are so fine, so squishy, so plump…”





	Tony and his GLORIOUS ass that defeated Thanos

When everything is over and if Tony is still alive, he's going to make the most massive, shiny poster and it would have a picture of his ass and the words ‘i told you so’. 

Because Tony had. 

Multiple times. 

And what had Steve Rogers in all his righteousness, icicle glory said? 

“We’ll defeat the threat together Tony, uwu Tony, trust me Tony, Sometimes my teammates don't tell me things Tony.”

 

Rhodey blinked. “Did you just vocalise a face expression?”

Tony stomped. 

“That’s not the point.”

Rhodey sighed. 

“I get it Tony, I really do. I am sorry we all didn't believe you, can we for now just go back to the plan? Discussing the plan that's going to defeat one purple motherfucker?” 

Tony stomped away. 

 

They entered the room together, with Tony loudly announcing-

“Blondes don't get an opinion, except Natasha, because she's a fake blond and she scares-  _ ohmygod _ what the fuck happened to your face?” 

Steve looked like he was in physical agony, all angsty eyes and the beard of a, of a…

“You look like Lincoln, if he went through a depressive episode.” 

Steve angsted more.

Rhodey was disgusted by the angsting vibes. Man should keep them in his pants. 

Tony covered the small distance with few steps and his undersuit rippled with his movements. 

“Stop that. Stop doing that with your face.  _ Stop. _ ” 

He said holding Steve's face between his hands. And squishing his cheeks. Steve looked like he was going to cry. 

Peter Quill, Star Lord, the person-who-even-annoyed-Tony-Stark, forever legend sidled close to Rhodey. 

“Wow.” He said. Rhodey 'uh-uh’ed. 

“Are they always like that?” 

“Usually.” 

“If they're on a break, do you think it's okay if I hit on Tony, because that ass, goddamn, few things on Earth are so fine, so squishy, so plump…”

Rhodey scowled. Why. 

 

Natasha ahemed. Loudly. 

“Did you lose your subtlety with your red hair?” 

Sam asked. 

She glared. 

“Assassins don't scare me. Y'all just dead inside.” 

Bucky Barnes looked towards the sky, with a plea for help. 

Gamora looked at Natasha, and Bucky consideringly. 

 

“No. No matches to the death between our league of assassins. Nopety the fuck out.” Clint said. “Also, I was technically an assassin too, kind of. I mean..” 

 

Peter looked bored. Peter Parker that was. Because Quill was still staring at Tony's ass and like probably creating a temple to worship it in his mind. 

 

“Are we going to plan or like..what?” Scott said. 

“Or what is right.” Rhodey mumbled to himself. 

 

Then T’Challa showed up. The only one among them who still had his wits. Wakandans were tough man. Tough. Probably melted and drank Vibranium with their milk intake. 

 

“Your highness, sir,  Mr.Panther- 

Spidey stumbled and got up.

Tony scowled. 

“Why don't I get those kind of reactions anymore?” 

“Because you call me every other day, asking if I have done my homework, Mr.Stark.” Peter snarked back. 

 

“So what, Spidey, homework is important, you know. Can't defeat the purple testicle if you haven't practiced balancing your equations.” 

“Oh God, dad don't call him that.” Peter said groaning and then immediately froze. 

Tony looked gleeful. 

“Everyone heard that right? You all heard it? Hey! Barnes don't sleep on us. Friday please tell me you recorded it.” 

“ _ Dad.”  _ Tony whispered to himself in wonder. 

 

Peter looked like he was going to die. 

 

“Как я могу спать, когда твоя красивая задница раздражает меня?”  Bucky muttered to himself. 

_ How can I sleep with your beautiful ass annoying me? _

 

Tony looked even more gleeful. Rhodey was going to kill people because a gleeful Tony never ended well. Gleeful Tony was thing to be feared. 

 

“Я могу говорить на русской, зимней снежинке.” He said, in what mostly sounded like a good Russian accent.

_ I can speak Russian, snowflake.  _

 

Geniuses. Fuck all of them. 

Bucky spluttered and blushed. 

 

T’Challa sighed loudly. 

“It is imperative to focus on the plan to defeat Thanos. Dr.Stark, and ...all the others, you may offer your ideas.” 

He then sat down. 

 

Drax spoke up.

“If we cut off his head-

Gamora interrupted. 

“How many times do I tell you, that he cannot die that way? You cut off whatever you want, Death refuses to accept him and thus he grows it back.” 

Drax scowled. 

 

“Hey when are Groot, Thor and Rocket coming back anyway?” 

“Not important right now. If..Death doesn't accept him, what can we do?” Steve looked constipated. 

Tony smiled at him. It was not a good smile. 

“We just blind him by the power of friendship and team-mateship and do it  _ together. _ ” 

Ouch, Rhodey thought. 

 

Steve sighed. 

 

“Hey, I have a plan…” Quill said and everyone groaned.

 

Stephen Strange made his entry through a portal the very moment, looking remarkably put together. 

 

“The plan is, we blind Thanos by Tony's sweet, sweet ass and then lead him to a trap and bam! Shut him in.”

 

Stephen blinked at Quill. 

“That’s not such a bad plan actually.” 

Tony eeped. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Guess who just watched the trailer?   
> My feelings? First. Thanos touches Tony and I will kill that purple testicle with my heels and bare hands.   
> Starkquill? Living.   
> Steve? Angsting. Dramatic ass.   
> Tony? Looks so beautiful. Serving looks. His eyes are so beautiful. His ass makes me want to just...ah.   
> Spidey? My son. Protect him.   
> Also why aren't more people writing StephenTony   
> It's literally so perfect.   
> They are working together. Stephen is head of the sorcery thing and Tony is head of the science thing and they are so beautiful together and can be such a great couple? Lol I think I'll write something for ironstrange next.   
> Steve Tony though. I need Steve Tony in my life.   
> Also Bucky Barnes muttering filthy things about Tony's beautiful ass in Russian is my jam.   
> Over all, what did you guys think about the trailer? Do any of you want to form a Tony Stan association so we can take out Thanos so he doesn't touch our man and his beautiful ass?   
> Sign up!!!!!!!!   
> (This work is not edited, don't come at me with grammar mistakes, I don't care right now.)


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